Why Are Women So F*cking Mean?
It's a question I ask as we head into Women's History Month
It’s just about the start of Women’s History Month, and I recall a lot of lip service from years prior. Oof, man, I went in hot, didn’t I? But I see all the “Lift one another’s crowns” memes and the like, but when it comes down to it, are we, as women, really doing that for one another? The challenges we are presented with are real. Everyone saw the awesome “It is literally impossible to be a woman” speech by the absolute gem America Ferrera. So, so good. Honestly, though, one that resonated with me even more came from comedian Michelle Wolf:
“I don’t want to have a baby. Or a family. I want a career. That’s what I want.”
“But I know there’s a lot of people out there who are like, ‘But, Michelle, you don’t have to choose; you can have it all! Women can have it all!’”
“Yeah, stop saying that.”
“You act like ALL is good. All does not mean good. You’ve never left an all-you-can-eat buffet and thought, ‘I feel really good about myself. I sure am glad I went back for spare ribs.’”
“All is not good. And if we do want it all. Even if there’s a woman out there who definitely wants it all, we’ve put up too many obstacles in your way to make it possible.”
“It’s like, ‘Oh, you’re having a baby. Great! Couple things … We’re gonna need you to get that car accident of a body back to work as soon as possible because this is America, and we don’t think you need time to recover. Also, you should breastfeed. It’s what’s best for the baby. But don’t do it in public, you pig! Do it in the old janitor’s closet underneath the bridge with the rest of the breastfeeding trolls. And don’t ask to take time off from work when your kids are sick. We’ll think you’re not dedicated. Also, why are you such a bad mom? By the way, your salary is just enough to cover the cost of childcare. And we know you’re exhausted and don’t really know who you are anymore, and are trying to balance your old life with your new life, but, quick, go have sex with your husband! He’s about to leave and he doesn’t understand what you’re going through. Quick, go now, and, sweetie, SMILE!’”
Mic. F*cking. Drop.
I write about this in my book, and as I say in it, we’re not a bunch of martyrs, and when it comes down to it, those of us (well, MOST of us) who have had kids wouldn’t trade it for the world.
But. BUT. BUTT. It’s not easy. So why are we busting each other’s proverbial balls so much? All you have to do is go to the comments section of an article about a woman to see the negativity. And it’s not coming from men. Just look at some of the recent posts about Demi Moore. Or if you dare, read the comments section on anything posted by Jessica Simpson.
And when it comes to motherhood, shiiiiitttttt, Katie bar the door. Hell hath no fury like a woman in a comments section who replies to you admitting that you dared try the “cry it out” method with your kids because you were so sleep deprived, you were worried you might hurt them or you or both.
And, yeah, I’m going to say it. We’ve hit the presidential glass ceiling twice now, and many stats have shown that it’s women - WOMEN! - who are not ready for a female president.
In looking for the Michelle Wolf bit, I found another one of her acts on white women, and I’ll probably have to pay her some fee at this point for sharing, but here goes:
“We’re getting really mad at men these days. We’re blaming a lot on men. Especially white men.”
“But I do think, white women, it’s our turn to admit that we are part of the problem. I know, it’s really uncomfortable.”
“Some of the stuff white men did, I can’t even believe it was their idea. Like, some of the stuff was too clever. Like when we gave Native Americans blankets with smallpox, that was definitely a woman’s idea. That has ‘mean girl’ written all over it.”
“We are the opposite of ride-or-die. We are ride-and-flee immediately.”
“Not ALL women!” I can already hear some of you saying. And, of course, it’s not all women that are doing this, but, man, as a whole, we can be pretty f*cking mean.
It’s time to turn the tide, ladies. We need more “We ride at dawn!” attitudes. We need more “I’ve got a shovel; where’s the body?” friendships. And, as I say in my book, “The vibe is the ladies room after you’ve had a few cocktails.”
Happy Women’s History Month. LFG.