Please Employ My Son This Summer
Sebastian Carmichael Remington, III (Sea Bass!) is coming home for the summer!
Dear Neighbors of Willow Glen,
Sebastian Carmichael Remington, III (Sea Bass!) is coming home for the summer! After two summers spent on his college campus, during which he earned three credits towards graduation (still pending), we convinced him to come home. He wasn’t too keen on the idea, but did say that three home-cooked meals a day sounded pretty good. I guess I'd better get on that!
He’ll be looking for some odd jobs to make extra money, as he somehow managed to plow through the many thousands we gave him for his social activities. He reversed the tradition of having everyone buy YOU a drink when you get a hole-in-one on the golf course and decided to buy everyone a round at his local watering hole. He’s got such a good heart!
He currently has a broken arm and dislocated shoulder that he says he got from trying to wrestle an elderly woman’s purse back from a thief, though the doctor tells us the injuries are more consistent with a fall from a decent height, as that thing is shattered.
Don’t worry, though, he can do plenty with that one arm!
He lists his strengths as:
“Strong like bull”
Making piles
Betting on the under
Pushing things/Pulling things
Escort service, down for the old-heads
Writing passive-aggressive notes
Fake IDs
Anything to do with feet (sick at Hacky Sack)
Getting out of sticky predicaments
Self-defense/Nunchaku
Working smarter, not harder
Great with kids, but like, not young and not old - like medium kids
Making protein shakes
Mental stuff/video games
Walking dogs (poop pick-up is extra)
Hauling things
Selling things on eBay
Magic
Parkour
Running erins
Creating aura
AI/Deep fakes
Pet care and/or dog/cock fighting management
Crypto King
Ridic DJ skills
TV/remote stuff
Navigating the dark web
Penny stocks
Drive-through runs
Shining Nikes
Jenga
Burying items
He apparently draws a hard line at cleaning garbage cans, which would probably be hard for him with one working arm anyway. I throw an extra 20 at my landscaper to do ours, so if you need his number, just let me know. Unfortunately, he’s currently being held at an ICE Detention Center, but we’re crossing our fingers for a good outcome.
If you can make use of the skills listed above, please, please, PLEASE think of Sea Bass. I know a lot of kids come home for the summer, and the competition is stiff, but he got himself into a situation with some Saudis he met while “betting the ponies” on spring break last year, whatever that means. His rate is $60/hour, but I’m sure he’d knock that down a little if you provide snacks.
He’ll be on a missionary trip in Cabo with some of his fraternity brothers from July 2-August 10, and is interning for his dad from August 15 to 30, but other than that, he’d love to help you with anything around your home, yard, or pool! His cast is waterproof, so that won’t be an issue. Oh, btw, he gets that off just before Cabo. It can’t come a minute too soon, as he shoved four hot dogs down there on a dare and ended up at student health yesterday, right in the middle of finals. Boys, amirite?
If your job requires a credit or background check, hit me up separately, as there are some misunderstandings that we’re still taking care of. I can explain.
Feel free to text me to make arrangements, or you can email him directly at DisYaBoySeaBassawwwyeeeSkeetSkeet@gmail.com.
Wonderful, so vivid.
What a kid!